Nothing Good in Goodbye

Throughout the last few years I have had a mentor and a few close friends point out that I am rather terrible at goodbyes. I try to avoid the inevitable, and in place of affirming how much someone, a period of time, or a place has meant to me, I simply try to shower the person with small tokens of gratitude that can be ambiguous. Their critiques upset me at first, but I realized they were absolutely right. I hate goodbyes and avoid them at all costs.

I see absolutely nothing good in "goodbye." Well, when you are saying it to someone, some place, or something that means a significant deal to you anyway. Saying goodbye to toxic and meaningless parts (or people) in life is actually rather pleasing. But when someone has meant so much to you, spoken deep truths and grace over you, and been a deep source of life to you, goodbyes are anticlimactic and disappointing. Whether your expression of love is words, gifts, time or something else, you will never fully be able to express to a person just how much they mean to you in that final parting moment. The relationship simply ends. That's it.

I have many who tell me I should not wish for more out of goodbyes or parting words, yet I simply never feel satisfied with my attempts to express to those dear to me just how much value they will always hold in my heart. When there has been such a great period of life filled with great people, moving on from it is rather depressing and uneventful. I am always thankful for the people and places God has placed in my life, however I will always dread when it comes time to say goodbye, even if it is only for a period. There is always the empty words and knowledge of "one day being reunited, if not now then in heaven." That just never helps in the moment or makes the experience any less desirable.

In this season of life, I feel like I have been saying goodbye non-stop and have been rather drained from doing so. To all of you that I have failed to say goodbye to in a way that was honoring of you and how much you mean to me, I apologize and hope one day to be able to better express that. To those I will be saying it to soon, may I do better. Finally, to those experiencing a similar season that feels marked by small losses of beloved companionship, may you also feel freedom to see no good in goodbyes, but begin finding good in new areas.